I, for one, love New Years. It feels fresh. Since the kids are still little, my family celebrates East Coast New Year – we watch the ball drop at 9PM PT, and kids shortly after get to go to bed.
As the resident single hottie that I am in my family, I usually get dressed and meet my friends wherever they happen to be right after.
I do know several of my single sisters that grapple with the turning of a new year.
Another year, no boyfriend. Not even a potential of a potential of a boyfriend.
Who am I going to kiss at midnight? Maybe I’ll just buy a taco and french kiss the heck out of that mug.
The next question I get asked is: What can I do to be more “dateable”?
My knee jerk reaction is to tell you, “NOTHING! You’re perfect!” Which I think is true. But you’re obviously asking the question, so I want to be thoughtful about an answer.
Let me start with a couple of stories:
Hannah and Akeem
I have a friend, her name is Hannah. She moved to China to teach English to school age kids.It was going to be 6 months, MAYBE a year. While she was in China, she met Akeem, a Nigerian student, studying in China. Hannah never went to China with the intention of meeting Akeem. She went to China for the adventure.
If God can send Hannah from Humbolt county, to China to meet an African man. Then literally, we cannot begin to author or pen our stories. We have to give in to the wind. Accept and trust that something good is coming for us, in due season. I trust the same God that sent Hannah to China and timed her being there with Akeem studying there, to write my love story.
Hannah is now married to Akeem. They have 3 gorgeous girls and they live in Redding. The end.
Mel and John
I have another friend. Her name is Melissa. She is one of the best people I know. She’s smart, beautiful and funny. Like you and I, she had started wondering, where is my husband?
She went away to school to Australia, pursued 2 degrees, and then when the time was right, came back to America, and actually got a job at the company she was formerly working for.
When she returned, one of her responsibilities was working with the media department. Where she began working with someone she had worked with previously. Pre- Australia.
His name is John. John and Mel grew up together in the same church. They have known of each other all their lives. One day, John texted Melissa out of nowhere. Suddenly, John wasn’t just John to Melissa anymore, they began dating and fell in love pretty quickly. They are, now married and with a baby on the way.
Here’s my final story:
Jenn and Henry
Henry and Jenn worked together at an electronics company. They were friends, and would joke around a lot.
One day, Jenn had to get her wisdom teeth taken out, and she needed a ride. Henry offered to take her. She says she was acting really goofy inside the mall, and all of a sudden, Henry wasn’t Henry any more. He was more. More turned into married. And two kids later, they’re one of my favorite couples.
Here are my key takeaways from these stories:
Love happens on a day: A random day. You cannot plan it. So obsessing about it is the equivalent of asking “Are we there yet?” on a road trip when you’re 5. Think I’m wrong? Go ahead ask 5 of your friends whose marriages inspire you, and ask them, how did your love story start. I guarantee they will tell you, it happened on a day.
Be open: This is the single girl annoyance. This single phrase. If I was any more open, I would be a 7-11 at midnight. Try it, throw out your list. There’s a list of expectations you have of the person you will love. Anything having to do with what it looks like. Throw it out. Its my opinion that this list actually hinders you from seeing the love in front of you.
Adventure always has a hero, be the heroine of your story: Get out there, DO THINGS. If all you’re doing is going home everyday and watching “Arrow” reruns on Netflix, you’re doing single wrong. This is the time to get out there and BE places. Change it up.
The greatest love story, is the one you have with yourself. Loving yourself is paramount. Love all your curves and all your edges and stop living an even though life. Even though I’m chubby, even though I didn’t go to college, even though I don’t have money. It is impossible to see someone that truly loves you, if you truly don’t love yourself. You’ll end up settling for someone that doesn’t know how to love you because you are inept to teach them how.
If you’ve done all you can to accept this is where life has you, and to fall madly in love with yourself. Then there really is nothing left to do but:
Accept that its going to work out. Maybe it didn’t this year. Or the year before. But it will. You’re one day closer to your future than you were yesterday.